She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
