I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
