I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Randomize
