I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
