I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I want to be your penis for a week.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
