Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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