It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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