Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
