i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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