He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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