So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
