The maid of honor just puked.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
