areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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