umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
