So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
