Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
