We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
