And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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