I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
