We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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