she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just want to make out with him forever
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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