I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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