Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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