I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
