the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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