I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
