he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
