I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
