wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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