he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
