No stitches, just platelets and will power
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
