if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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