You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
