Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
