I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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