You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
