the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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