I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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