Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
