look no pants
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
