Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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