who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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