we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
