I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe