haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss