I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
