In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.