I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
