no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I want a musical about memes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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