When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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