I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
