your room smells of hookers.
And success
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
