Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
