My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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