he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
