Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
