Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
