Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
