If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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