youre lurking in front of me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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