Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
