Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
