Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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