I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
