I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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