dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
