if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
