Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh god it's open bar.
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