you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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