cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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