Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
