Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
