My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
