he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
