I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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