glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
